Another Year Older and Wiser Too....?

"Happy birthday to me....Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday Dear Shalene...Happy birthday to ME!" Well ladies and gentlemen, I am officially 23 years old! Woo-hoo! ;)

Lately, I have had a lot of time to reflect...I think the reason why is because my schooling is slowly coming to an end and it time to make some tough life-altering decisions.

What have I been thinking lately (and please if you have some advice or suggestions...I would LOVE to hear it.)? My plan is to walk in May and receive my diploma and degrees the end of August. In case you are wondering- What?! Let me explain, I am a double major: History and Secondary Education/History with a minor in Social Sciences. In order to graduate with a History degree I need two semesters of a foreign language; hence this summer I am going to be cranking out Spanish I and Spanish II for my foreign language credits. So I will technically graduate at the end of the summer, but I am walking in May with my education class. In fact, I will be LEADING my education class in the graduation procession! I was chosen to receive the 2012 Outstanding Student Achievement Award! (Which is the highest honor a student at ISU can receive!-Oh and the picture above is the one that was taken to be on display in the College of Education and in all the programs...I think I look funny, but oh well-) Okay...now that I have tooted my own horn...let me explain my dilemma of decisions.

Life-Alternating Decision #1: Go On a LDS Mission

For the past 10 years I have had the desire to go on a mission. My family and close friends can attest to this...and if I could have I would have already gone. But for the past two years, I have always received answers to not go through; scholarships I have received, leadership opportunities, and with the thoughts of marriage possibilities. But a mission has always been in the back of my mind. The beginning of this year- I had planned that once I graduate I was outta here and off to serve the Lord! But once again...a couple of wrenches have been thrown into the mix. Receiving my award is one of them, don't get me wrong, I am very honored, but now with this award...this could make the difference between me getting a job or not. There aren't very many history teacher job openings. What if I waited a couple of years- would I be able to get a job or not? So...I don't know what to do....

And then it comes down to money....Going on missions are expensive! This past year, I have been unable to work, because of my internships. I will have absolutely NO money come September when I was tentatively planning on going out on my mission. In fact, because of these Spanish classes I may actually have to take out a small loan to pay for the last few credits of my education! So....I don't know what to do...

Life-Alternating Decision #2: "Try" to Get a Job Teaching

At this time in my education, I should be excited and anxious to get a job teaching- but to be perfectly honest...I don't know if I even want to teach! It so hard and I'm so scared! I don't think I will be a good teacher or have the energy to do everything! In a lot of ways, I want a job that I can just do from 9-5 and not have to worry about anything once I get home. Teaching is different. Teachers put in so much energy and time into their students and lessons. Teachers spend many sleepless nights worrying about certain students and how they can make their subject come to life...believe I KNOW! I don't know if I can continue to do this...don't get me wrong, it is rewarding at times and I love my students- but it so hard! And most likely, I will end up getting job somewhere far away- and that is scary too! So...I don't know what to do....

I guess what I am saying, is I have absolutely no idea what to do! I'm completely stressed out! I feel like I am choosing between the "good, better and best" but have no idea which is which. I feel like the Lord in a way is saying all is good- do what you want. But then I feel like, by receiving this award, my decision should be made up: Teach! So...I don't know what to do...

Advice, PLEASE!!!!!

"Thirteen Reasons Why"

This past week, my best friend gave me this book to read. Although she had never read it, she had heard that it was good. I have read tons of books in my life, some funny, some adventurous...and for the most part all entertaining. But never had I read a book that has made me think so much about how I interact with people. Let me explain...

"Thirteen Reasons Why," is about a girl who commits suicide, but before she dies, she records the stories (or interactions) she's had with people who have impacted her life and had helped her make the decision to end her own life. Thirteen people to be exact.

I have to preface, that I do recommend this book- but warily. Suicide is a tough subject, and this book has made me think how I have treated people or not treated them....meaning, how I have not reached out to some people.

I guess, this book really hit home because I am student teaching right now. I did have a student who tried to commit suicide and (luckily) was unsuccessful. I have personally known three people who have committed suicide. Why didn't I reach out to help them...Did I see the warning signs...Why didn't I show them that I cared more?

This post may sound like rambling, but I decided that I needed to write this down somewhere, so that months down the road or even years later, I can look back and remember how I felt after reading this book. To me, this book wasn't so much about a girl who took her own life, but more about affect we have on people; positive or negative. Each interaction, however small, makes a difference. I want to make the difference.