Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with
choices and then trying to find comfort in my decisions. Life is full of the
"what ifs," but I have decided that once choices are made, I must go
forward with faith and confidence, looking towards the future...not dwelling on
the "maybes" or "could have beens."
This was my facebook status I had a few days ago. After much
pondering and stewing over the thought of posting such a comment on facebook,
since it bother's me all of the negative "wooh is me...my life sucks"
type of statuses, I decided that this realization hit me hard and helped that
maybe it would help others. I've heard that people make the most lasting and
life-alternating decisions while in their 20's, I would agree-whole heartedly!
Within the last year I have felt that my life has led to many decisions. I have
become envious of people who "just know" what they are supposed to
do, or who they are supposed to date or marry or what their calling in life
is...in fact, I hate people who's life just works out for them! jk! I don't
hate anyone, but like I said, I am super jealous!
A few months ago I took a job offer to teach, I felt really good
about the job and was excited (and terrified) to start on this journey. But
while on my cruise to Mexico, it hit me...I really want to serve and LDS
mission. The desire to serve a mission has always been there, but the urgency
to serve was really quite a surprise when it crept up on me. Now, some would
say...THEN GO! Well.....signing my contract to teach and give that binding word
is a big deal to me. Also, a few more factors have fallen into play since my
cruise. I got an apartment, signed a lease for 6 months, became and will be
indebted to my parents till October when I get my 1st paycheck, and only have a
few hundred dollars to my name- making that $8,000 short of paying for a
mission. So needless to say, the timing couldn't be more wrong and making it
impossible to serve. If life just magically worked out, I would leave tomorrow,
but life isn't that easy...my life is complicated. So this is where my facebook
status comes into play. After much praying and pondering, I came to the
conclusion that I made all of these decisions, and now I need to stick by them
and look towards the future with them. No longer will I say, "what
if?" or "maybe..." The plan now is to teach for a year; pay back
parents, earn money, enjoy being back in Poky with friends, live it up with the
family (make great memories), prepare myself physically and spiritually to
serve a mission, put in my papers in February or early March and leave June or
July to serve the Lord.
So that's it...it took a long time to get to this point, but I
finally feel that comfort and peacefulness once again. I truly am excited for
this year, I know I will grow a lot and learn tons. Teaching will help prepare
me to work hard, work with others, set goals and the big one: just plain
teaching others. After this year of waiting and anticipation, I will be ready
for my mission. Nothing is stopping me!*
(Disclaimer: Obviously there may be some roadblocks that hinder
me going on a mission. Just know that I AM going...it may be in the next life
or later on in my life! p.s. Some say marriage may be a possibility, to those
"some" it may be...but unless I am totally swept off my feet, if I
allow that to even happen- I highly doubt that excuse will keep me home.)
